A Heart That Follows -- Part 2

Giving the Gift of Leadership

Let's review Ephesians 5:22 in another version, "You wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord."

The verse shows us that a wife is responsible for whether or not she submits to her own husband. This means submission is a wife's choice. She decides whether or not to follow her husband. No one can do it for her, and no one can make her do it. Her husband can't make her submit and follow, her church can't make her, her pastor can't make her, and neither can a counselor. She must decide to choose to defer to her husband and follow his leadership.

The "who" of submission for a wife is also clear here -- "submit to your own husbands," not to other people we admire and respect. And this is an important distinction.

Why Do We Hesitate?

The main reason why we wives hesitate to follow our husband's leadership is fear. We are afraid of what will happen if our husbands do things their way instead of our way ... or another way. Clearly, underneath God's call to us to submit lies a much deeper, more fundamental call to live a life of faith in God.  

1 Peter 3:5-6, "For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror."

Faith is the opposite of fear, but how does faith fit with following a husband's leadership? It is by faith that you and I believe God works in our lives directly through our husbands.

It is by faith in our all-knowing God that we trust that He knows our husbands' decisions and the end results of those decisions, and trusting that God redeems, if not guides, those decisions.

And, it is by faith in God that our fear is dispelled and we gain the strength to submit.

Yes, But How?

1. Dedicate your heart to honoring your husband. Change requires a decision, and that's definitely the case with submission.

2. Remember to respect. Develop the basic heart attitude of respect. Ephesians 5:33b, "Let the wife see that she respects her husband."

3. Respond to your husband's words and actions positively. 

4. Ask of each personal word, act, and attitude, "Am I bending or bucking?" Whenever tension wells up in your heart and you're resisting or questioning your husband's direction, ask yourself this question. Your answer will point out the problem.

A Note from the Author

Oh, dear one, don't let this look at God's guidelines for marriage be a cold exercise. We are talking primarily about a heart response! Your husband is your life mate. Whatever he is like, he is God's good and perfect gift to you, part of God's plan for your personal fulfillment and more important, for your spiritual development. Your Christian character becomes evident each and every time you choose from your heart to bend, to yield, to honor, to submit, to follow your husband. It's one way that you, as a woman after God's own heart, honor God.

A Heart That Follows -- Part 1

Ephesians 5:22a, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."

The Christian lifestyle - for men as well as women - is one of submission. Each one is called to be "submitting to one another" (Ephesians 5:21). God's desire for us -- married or single, young or old, male or female -- is to honor, serve, and subject ourselves to one another. Let's consult the following Scriptural examples of this truth:

1 Corinthians 16:16, "...that you also submit to such, and to everyone who works and labors with us."

Ephesians 5:21, "...submitting to one another in the fear of God."

Hebrews 13:17, "Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you."

James 4:7a, "Therefore submit to God."

1 Peter 2:13-15, "Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men."

1 Peter 2:18, "...be submissive to your masters [employers] with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh."

1 Peter 5:5, "Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility."

It's clear that we reflect Christ's character as we move away from selfishness and, acting out of honor for other people, defer to them. A heart willing to follow and submit, dedicated to honoring and yielding to others, is to be the heart of God's people, His church, and His women.

When it comes to marriage...

...God arranged for the sake of order that the husband lead and the wife follow. For marriages to run smoothly, God has said, "The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God" (1 Corinthians 11:3).

God, the perfect Artist, designed marriage to be beautiful, natural, and functional by giving it a single head, the husband. However, his headship does not mean that we wives can't offer wise input, enter into a discussion, or ask questions for clarification during the decision-making process. The husband's headship does mean that he is responsible for the final decision.

In the end, the husband is accountable to God for his leadership decisions, and we are accountable to God for how we follow that leadership.

A Note from Karen

Take heart and please stay with me in this Bible study. The author is spoon-feeding us some very important truths from the Bible that for some may be very hard to swallow! What we are seeking out is the whole counsel of God, and this is going to take more than one or two posts to explain. I hope that you'll prayerfully consider these Scriptures and consult the study guide personally. The Lord has a perfect design for our marriages and I pray that we'll all find His will for us.

Matthew 6:33, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."