Following After God's Heart

When you and I take seriously our assignments from God, He blesses our obedience, and the resulting growth is astounding. Oh, there are pleasant tasks and bright moments, but there is also plain old hard work -- work that may be unexciting but gives birth to God's blessings.

As we end this book committed to following hard and close after God and doing His will, let's consider what we can do to nurture, prune, and train our hearts so that we can enjoy the lovely fruit God intends His people to know when they honor Him. What can we do to place ourselves before God so that we can know His beauty and serenity in our hearts and under our roofs?

Plan Your Day

Making God's plan for our lives a reality calls for planning on our part. The first challenge we face is gaining control of one day -- today. We must tackle the day at hand, and it is helpful to consider each day's agenda at least twice.

First, the night before, take your planner (in whatever form is best for you) and list the next days events in chronological order. This would include appointments, classes, meetings, carpools, school and work schedules, and breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Ask the Lord in prayer to guide and bless your day, then turn off the light.

In the morning, welcome the day with the psalmist's words of praise -- "This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24). Then take out a sheet of paper and get ready to create a plan for practicing God's priorities throughout the day. Begin by praying.

Pray Over Your Plans and Priorities

What exactly should you pray about? Here are a some very practical, detailed steps as you pray and plan according to your priorities.

God

First write the word "God" on one side of your folded paper, and pray, "Lord, what can I do today to live out the fact that You are the Ultimate Priority of my life?"

As an answer to this question, the Lord may be leading you to certain actions like pray, read His Word, memorize Scripture, walk with Him, etc. Write it down.

Husband

Next, write the first name of your husband. Again, go to the Lord and ask, "What can I do today to let my husband know he is my most important human priority?" (And if you're not married, move on down the list.)

At that point, for instance, the Lord might remind you that you can choose to be "up" when your husband arrives home at the end of the day and to stay "up" throughout the evening. You can choose to be physically available to him. You can make plans for a special date night. And the list goes on and on.

Children

Now it's time to pray, "Lord, what can I do today for my children (name them individually) to let them know that, after my husband, they are more important than all the other people in my life? What can I do to communicate this fact? How can I show each one my love? (Again, if you don't have children, move on down the list.)

Many times the answers to this question are "sweet speech," "kindness," "a servant spirit," and "no nagging." Just write down the answers and ideas.

As your children grow older, other ideas may come to mind like selecting a special card for each of them and writing a love note, or preparing a favorite snack for them after school.

Still later, when they are married, make plans to communicate daily with each through email. Send them good books as surprise gifts and encourage them in their personal growth and interests. Truly, the loving and praying and planning never cease. And then there are the grandchildren! Well, you get the picture.

Home

Everyone lives somewhere, including you, married or not. So land here and start praying because this one's for everyone. Pray, "Lord, what can I do today regarding my home? What can I do today to make our home a little bit of heaven, our own home sweet home?"

Something like "be faithful in daily cleaning tasks" will appear on my home list. "Complete a task" may be another item on your list.

Self

Lay your life before God and pray, "Lord what can I do today to grow spiritually? In what specific ways can I prepare for future ministry?"

"Read" may appear on your list. "Exercise" and "food selection" may show up often. Completing a Bible lesson, typing out a quotation that you want to remember, copying a Bible verse to display in your view, and getting to bed on time are other items.

Ministry

"And, Lord," continue praying, "what can I do today to serve and minister to Your people?" This may be your longest list as you write down people to call, friends and missionaries to write, lessons to plan, organizing, researching, preparing food for church events or new mommies, or visiting the hospital. Because of this, you might ask the Lord, "Which one thing do You want me to do today?" Opportunities for ministry are alway all around us!

Other activities

You have noticed continually that this book focuses on our top priorities, those God-given assignments found in His Word. But God knows there are other facets of life.

That is why in this category you'll list shopping for Christmas, browsing in a library or bookstore, getting together with a friend, planning another trip to visit a grandparent. Again, this list goes on and on.

Schedule Your Plans and Priorities

Now that we have our list, it's time to schedule! Items on the list only represent dreams and desires and convictions until we put them into practice. And scheduling helps us do just that. So at this point begin prioritizing with pen and planner in hand. Pray, "Okay, Lord, when will I have my devotions? When will I meet with You in our special place?" Then write "devotions" in a specific time slot on your schedule. "And when will I run that errand for my husband?" And then write it down. Go all the way down your list in this manner.

When your time of prayer and scheduling is over, you hold in your hand a master plan for the day -- a plan that reflects your priorities, a plan that enables you to be the woman after God's own heart that you and I desire to be. Wisdom always has a plan.

Proverbs 21:5, "The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty."

Following These Steps

You'll soon discover how comforting it is to get up from your time of prayer with a clear plan for your day. Your plan is most effective when it comes a s a result of much care and prayer -- when it comes as a result of committing your day and its activities to God for His glory!

Practice, Practice, Practice!

"Every day is a little life, and our whole life is but a single day repeated."

If you desire a good life, focus on having one good day, one quality day -- today. Concentrate on today and, at day's end, slip that single pearl onto your strand. The pearls on your strand will add up to a good life!

But what if yours was a day of failures? A day of neglecting things you wanted to focus on? We all have those days. But thanks be to God who enables us to forget the days that is done, to reach forward the next morning, and to press on toward the goad -- the pearl -- again and again and again!

Philippians 3:13-14, "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended, but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Peace as You Rest

When such a focused day is done, you'll probably be tired as you drop into bed. But you'll also know an unmatched peace in your heart. A peace that comes from resting in the Lord and doing things His way. A peace that comes from knowing that because you lived out God's priorities for you, all is well under your roof.

A Heart That Seeks First Things First

Colossians 2:6-7, "As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving."

Proverbs 8:10-11, "Receive my instruction, and not silver, and knowledge rather than choice gold; For wisdom is better than rubies, and all the things one may desire cannot be compared with her."

A Word About Priorities

Because our lives are complex and demanding, we need a plan if we are to live by God's priorities and obey His call to us. God's order for priorities makes the day-to-day, moment-by-moment decisions easier and simpler.

Life management can bring order to our cluttered life and will enable you and me to see more clearly when the storms of life start to rage. God's unchangeable Word gives guidance when the tyranny of the urgent beats on our door, trying to shove aside the very few really important tasks in life. The grand duties and chief works of a Woman After God's Own Heart consist of:

• Loving God and following after Him with a whole heart,
• Loving, helping, and serving my husband,
• Loving and teaching my children and their families,
• Loving and caring for my home in order to provide a quality life for my family,
• Developing myself so that I have something to give to others, and
• Loving and serving God's people.

A Word About Choices

"The choices we make are key to the priorities we practice!"

From the first pages of this book, we've been trying to choose good over evil, better over good, an best over better. The importance of such choices cannot be overestimated or overemphasized. As we've all heard, if you want to know what you'll be like in the future, just look at the choices you are making today.

A Word About Others

The "other" categories have not been mentioned thus far in our study. We haven't mentioned parents, brothers, sisters, or extended family. We also haven't discussed jobs or careers, friends, neighbors, hobbies, pastimes, social life, or a myriad of other ingredients that make up your full and unique life.

So for now, simply add those "others" to the end of the list of the six priorities listed above because those six don't change. God will reveal your priorities when you pray, search the Scriptures and seek wise counsel.

A Word About Waiting

It's impossible to read the book of Proverbs and not get the message that wisdom waits. As a general principle for practicing your priorities, know that it is safer to wait and do nothing than to rush in and do the wrong thing. 

Proverbs 19:2, "He sins who hastens with his feet."

Heart Response

It sure is easy for priorities to get out of whack and making the choices to get back on track can be tough, but if you are wanting to do God's will, then you are willing to make the right choices even though they're the hard choices.

A Heart That Encourages

Take Time to Be Filled

If you take time to sit at Jesus' feet and be filled by God's Spirit as you study the written Word, if you focus on overcoming internal obstacles to doing God's work, you will never lack for ministry. God's fullness in you will naturally overflow into the lives of others.  

Memorize Scriptures of Encouragement

Colossians 4:6, "Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one."

You can have the "ministry of encouragement" with everyone you meet. Your life and lips will offer refreshing encouragement to all who cross your path. Like our Messiah, you will be able to "speak a word in season to him who is weary" (Isaiah 50:4).

It's good to memorize some pertinent words of encouragement from the Bible to share with people in need. Knowing Scripture gives you a "word in season," something timely and appropriate to the situation.

Make Phone Calls to Encourage

Proverbs 12:25, "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad."

An easy way to encourage and make a heart glad is to reach out and touch someone by phone. I'm not talking about calling long lists of people or even making lengthy calls. A simple, quick call can do much to gladden the heart of the recipient.

Write Notes of Encouragement

Writing notes -- by mail or email -- to those who need encouragement is another way to share a good word that makes the heart glad.  

Try the "3-Sentence rule" whether you're writing to the sick, the bereaved, those in leadership, or a recent hostess:

• Sentence #1 conveys I miss you, I appreciate you, or I'm thinking of you.
• Sentence #2 lets readers know they are special to you and why.
• Sentence #3 says I'm praying for them and includes an appropriate Scripture verse.

Live Your Priorities

By living out your priorities you will teach and disciple many women -- without saying a word. The best way to teach priorities to others is to model those priorities. After all -- and this is another principle for us women after God's own heart -- one picture is worth a thousand words. 

Simply concentrate on being who God wants you to be and doing what He wants you to do. Concentrate on mastering your priorities. Don't worry about organizing your thoughts, preparing a lesson, and getting up in front of a group. Just walk among the women at your church and in your neighborhood doing with all your heart what you are supposed to do.

Heart Response

When you and I made our way through the section about our spiritual growth, we stretched ourselves. We set goals. We decided to do the work that growth requires. Our aim was to let God fill us up and prepare us for future ministry and service to others.

Now consider the simplicity and ease of the ministries we've considered here!

1. Writing a note.
2. Making a few phone calls.
3. Speaking words of grace.
4. Modeling God's priorities.
   

These are next to effortless. Each one, however, requires a heart filled with God's love and with sensitivity for others. Ministry is always a matter of the heart. If your heart is filled with a watchful concern for God's people, you will be privileged to refresh many souls in need of encouragement just like a rain cloud delivers much-needed moisture to a parched earth.

A Heart That Shows It Cares

1 Corinthians 15:58, "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."

Reflecting on God's Plan

So far we have spent eighteen chapters looking at God's Word and seeking to determine what His priorities are for us as women after His own heart. We know of God's command to love Him supremely as found in Luke 10:27.

"So He answered and said, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.'"

Beyond that we have culled through Titus 2:3-5 over and over again where the priorities of husband, children, and home are spelled out.

"That the older women...admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers..."

And finally, we finished considering our self -- the nurturing of our spiritual growth. And now we come, by God's grace, to the out pouring and the overflowing of all that's gone before -- a life ready for rich ministry to others.

Learn to Reach Out

Again and again Jesus tells us to give -- to give to everyone; to give hoping for nothing in return; to give in the generous way God, who is kind to the unthankful and evil, gives; and to care for others by giving. You and I can learn to give in this way, to overflow with care for all others.

Yes, But How?

Your presence and sometimes a single touch are worth a thousand words.

When it comes to reaching out, remember this principle of ministry: Your very presence is a source of comfort. You may not have the exact words to say or the perfect Scripture to share, but in most situations, your touch can bring comfort far greater than words.

Be a giver.

Just as you and I learned with our husbands and children, we can give the smile, the greeting, the warm question, the touch, the hug, and the name (always use the person's name!).

Be bold.

Be bold and give to the people God places in your path, If, however, you find yourself avoiding a certain person, ask God to show you why. Sin in our hearts -- hearts meant to overflow with care for others -- keeps us from being confident in our relationships.

Become a generous soul.

Don't just give, but give liberally, cheerfully, bountifully, hilariously, extra, above and beyond. 

2 Corinthians 9:6-7, "He who sow sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver."

Determine to withhold nothing.

Proverbs 3:27 exhorts us, "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so."

What are some of the good things "in the power of your hand"? Praise, encouragement, thanks, a greeting, kindness, good deeds, and a note of appreciate are a few of the good things we hold. And you and I choose whether or not we will share these blessings.

Heart Response

I hope that your heart is at rest and that you have found your deepest fulfillment in seeing how God extends His love to so many through you. First His love flows to those people closest to your heart, those people at home. Then His love moves on through you to invigorate and refresh countless others.

As this happens, your gracious and generous God miraculously refills you, replacing and multiplying all that you selflessly give away to others.

A Heart Enriched by Joy in the Lord

Spiritual Growth Is Aided by Discipleship

God's ideal plan for us as His women -- and another aspect of His job assignment for us -- is that we teach other women the "good things" we have been learning, that we mentor or disciple them, that we pass on all that God has taught us.

Titus 2: 3-4, "But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: [that] the older women ... be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things ... that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children."

The word discipleship can call to mind a variety of scenarios. Most often we equate discipleship with one-on-one, weekly meetings with another woman for years on end. While that would be wonderful, for most of us that is neither a reality nor even a possibility. We can, however, choose from some enriching alternatives if we really want to grow.

Classes

Churches in every town offer Bible studies and Bible classes. Correspondence courses are also available -- all you and I have to do is enroll, do the work, and let God grow us.

Books

Books offer another avenue for growth and help you develop skills for ministering to women. Book stores and libraries are brimming with volumes written by Godly women that tell of the Lord's faithfulness in their lives. You will also gain valuable insights and inspiration from reading biographies of great Christian men and women of history.

Counsel

Another valid form of discipleship is counsel from fellow Christians. If you're having a problem, ask a trusted and godly person.

Interviewing

Make an appointment with a godly woman and ask questions from a list that you have already prepared.

Observation

Make sure you are watching, watching, watching!  It's a great way to learn. In fact, one way to learn how to love, respect, and support your husband is to watch other women. When it comes to admiring your husband, for instance, "keep a list of how other women show admiration for their husbands." Watch, learn, write down what you learn, and then try those new behaviors yourself.

Spiritual Growth: Experiencing the Joy of the Lord

Your desire to grow in the Lord will empower you and inspire you to grow more. 

In your mind, picture a real woman you admire. Most likely, she is stimulating, challenging, energetic, and joyful. She is growing and fresh, excited and exciting, learning and willing to share what she is learning. She motivates you, and you love to be in her presence. She has nothing to fear, and you never hear her sigh or see signs that she's bored. For her, life is never dull!

Such a woman is probably involved in and committed to spiritual growth. She has spent time with God and been filled by Him so when she's in public, she can't help but share her love for Jesus.

Heart Response

You are blessed indeed if you know one of these joyful, enriched women who have responded to God's call on their lives. You will be even more blessed if you accept the invitation to do likewise. So take a moment and wait upon the Lord as you consider these questions:

• Exactly how am I spending my precious God-given time and energy? Am I wasting it on choices that have no heavenly value or am I making the good, better, and best choices?
• Do I acknowledge the value -- the necessity -- of time spent in preparation?
• Is allowing God to prepare me for ministry even a goal of mine? Or am I letting time, and life, slip away unused, uninvested in eternity?

Catch His vision for you. Set aside time to make growth in Him a goal. Trust Him to provide you with opportunities to minister. The result?

A heart enriched by joy in the Lord!

A Heart Strengthened by Spiritual Growth -- Chapter 17

2 Peter 3:18, “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

Spiritual Growth Begins in Jesus Christ

You and I have two options for how we live. We can live our lives with Jesus Christ or without Him. It’s a clear-cut black/white, either/or situation. The Bible says, “This is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life,” 1 John 5:11-12. As this Scripture tells us, there is no life without Jesus Christ!

A New Beginning

When you and I come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, we are given a new beginning, a fresh start, forgiveness for the past, wisdom for handling life, and power for doing what’s right. The apostle Paul explains it like this: “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17.)

God’s Love and Acceptance

No matter what has happened, no matter what life looks like, no matter what you’re feeling, you are accepted in the Beloved – and nothing else matters! Indeed, God has “made us accepted in the Beloved” (Ephesians 1:6)!

God’s Power in the Holy Spirit

Can you imagine having the power of God at work in your life? When Christ is your Savior, that’s what happens. God empowers you through His Holy Spirit to do good, to effect change in your life, to make your life fulfilling and meaningful, to help others, and to minister for Christ. Jesus said, “You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you” (Acts 1:8).

God’s Total Sufficiency

No matter what the problem, the hurdle, the struggle, the suffering you face, God promises, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Whether you’re dealing with temptation, a difficult marriage, problems with the children, needs in the home, personal challenges, loneliness, demands at work, health issues, a stretching ministry, or any other difficult situation, God promises, “My grace is sufficient for you.”

Spiritual Growth Involves the Pursuit of Knowledge

Luke 2:52, “Jesus increased in wisdom.”

Proverbs 15:14, “The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.”

Put another way, an intelligent person purposefully seeks knowledge, but fools nibble randomly, vacantly chewing on words and ideas that have no value, no flavor, and no nutrition.

What are you and I feeding our minds? Are we heeding this biblical warning about the danger of “garbage in, garbage out”? May we purposefully seek knowledge and guard against spending precious time on things that have no value.

Spiritual Growth Includes Stewardship of Your Body

You may have been hoping this subject wouldn’t come up, but we’re told in the Bible that how we manage our body affects our ministry and the quality of our lives. The apostle Paul put is this way: “I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified” (1 Corinthians 9:27).

The goal in the physical realm is discipline, the self-control that is a gift of God’s grace. His Spirit in us gives us strength to resist temptation, control our appetite rather than allowing it to control us, and to train our body into obedience.

Spiritual Growth Means Becoming Like Jesus

Increase in Knowledge

As we’ve seen, Jesus is our model. God desires for us to follow in His footsteps and grow in the knowledge of God as well as in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Like Paul’s prayer for the church in Philippi, our prayer for ourselves should be that our “love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment” (Philippians 1:9).

Have a Plan

When it comes to increasing your knowledge of God, you have to do a certain thing (sit down) in a certain place (your place) with certain items (pen, paper, reading schedule, study guide, whatever you need) at a specific time (your time). When you do, you’ll enjoy a feast from God and His Word!

Do Something

So develop a plan, remember once again that something is better than nothing.

Spiritual Growth Blesses Others

Try these three ways to improve your relationships with people.

• Mind your mind.
  

Your actions will reveal your attitude toward people. That’s the message of yet another Proverb: “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). Thoughts that are critical, negative, harmful, and jealous not only go against God’s Word, but they spawn actions that are the same.

• Mind your mouth.
  

Our relationships with people are enhanced when we follow in the steps of the Proverbs 31 woman who “opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness,” Proverbs 31:26.

• Mind your manners.
  

The Number One way to be pleasing to God and approved by man is to be the servant of all. Our servant assignment from God is to give honor and preference to one another.

Heart Response

God calls you to love Him, first and foremost, will all your heart, soul, strength, and mind and to allow that rich love you enjoy in Him to overflow into your family, into your neighbors, into the lives of others. That’s why a heart strengthened by spiritual growth in Him is so very important.

A Heart That Weaves a Tapestry of Beauty

Titus 2:4-5, "Admonish the young women . . . to be homemakers."

Beauty from Busyness

As God's women, you and I are blessed with the God-given assignment to weave a tapestry of beauty in our homes. However, I don't know about you, but I had an aversion to that word homemaker -- until I discovered what God had in mind. Before that, it sounded like dull labor and mundane chores!

What I discovered is that to be a homemaker means to be a stayer-at-home, to be domestically inclined, a good housekeeper, and a keeper at home. Another sources emphasized that a woman's primary sphere of activity and contribution is the home, and still another concluded that we are to be active in or busy with household duties. The commentary that most moved my heart said that I am simply to be a "home lover."

Any woman who carries in her mind and heart that thought "Home sweet home!" qualifies as a home lover. That term definitely portrays a fitting attitude in response to the call of Titus 2:4-5, but weaving a tapestry of beauty in our homes also calls for action.

Yes, But How?

How does a woman who wholeheartedly wants to weave a tapestry of beauty in her home begin?

1. Understand the beauty and blessings of God's will for you.  

God is teaching us His will when He calls us to be homemakers. And I figure that if God calls me to serve at home, to be on top of things, and to see that my good housekeeping chores get done, then I want to do just that.

2. Purpose to be home more often.  

Proverbs 17:24, "Wisdom is in the sight of him who has understand, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth." In other words, wisdom sees the thing straight in front of us, the thing between our own two feet -- and that is our home. The wise woman realizes the value of being home. But the foolish woman is always looking "out there" (in the mall, in the outlet stores, in a friend's home, etc.) for fulfillment, excitement, activity, and meaning.

3.  Organize your outings.

For instance, I learned that I just couldn't run to the cleaners. Instead, I understood that I needed to stop by the cleaners when I was running all my other errands.  

Heart Response

Now, dear fellow weaver, take God's teaching to heart. Do you cherish your home? Is it "home sweet home" to you? When you are away from it, do you yearn fo it? Is your heart truly centered in your home? Are the place and the people there more important to you than anyone or anything else?

The "I will's" of the Heart of the Homemaker:

• I will get up before my family in order to prepare myself spiritually and physically.
  
• I will prepare breakfast for my family and sit with them while they eat.
• I will work diligently to send every member of my family off in a good mood.
• I will consult my husband every day to see if there is anything special he wants me to do for him.
• I will keep a neat and orderly home.
• I will respond positively.
• I will put my husband before my children.
• I will be predictably happy.

Is yours the heart of a homemaker? For help, ask God for His transforming touch. As He empowers you to obey, He will give you joy at the task to which He calls you and enhance the beauty of the tapestry you are weaving.

A Heart That Creates Order from Chaos

Responsibility and Accountability

The following verse in the Bible addresses the subject of creating order out of chaos. 1 Timothy 5:14, "I desire that the younger [women] ... manage the house." Other versions of the Bible read "guide the house, or preside over a home, or be mistress of the house." Whichever way, the message was clear to the women of Timothy's day.

Furthermore, the why of this statement is clear. Here's the situation Timothy faced: The young widows of Timothy's church were "idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not" (I Timothy 5:13). Their loose, undisciplined behavior led those outside the church to think and speak poorly of Christianity. Obviously, having a home to manage would contribute positively to these women's lives by, at the very least, eliminating the opportunity for these negative behaviors.

To"guide a house" means to be the head of or to rule a family, to guide the home. The one who manages a house is the goodman of the house, the householder. Yet this management has built-in accountability, describing as it does the work of a steward or a servant. The woman who manages her house is not the head of the home (her husband is if she is married, and God is if she is not). Instead, she is the householder, the home manager.

Every day we are called to manage what God has given us, what He has provided through our husbands' efforts and our own. What a blessing it is to us when we serve Him well in this capacity. And what a blessing we are to our family when we properly manage the house.

Yes, But How?

How does a woman who wants what God wants, a woman who wants to know order instead of chaos, a woman after God's own heart, manage her home?  

1. Understand that home management is God's best for us.

God isn't asking His women to like being a home manager (although that comes with time as we reap the multitude of blessing that result from better home management). And God isn't asking us to feel like managing our home. He is simply calling us to do it. Home management is His plan, His way. It's His good and acceptable and perfect will for us (Romans 12:2).

2. Decide to take home management seriously.  

God uses the management of the home as a training ground for our usefulness in the church. How well you and maintain our personal relationship with God, how devotedly we love our husbands and our children, and how effectively we manage the home indicates how well we would manager a ministry. It's true that what we are at home is what we are!

3. Live as though you will be accountable for the condition of your home and the use of your time ... because you will!

When our husbands (or anyone else) walk in the door and look around the house, we have just revealed what we've been doing in response to God's call to us to manage the home.

Tips for Time Management

• Plan in detail. Have a planner and write everything down in it.
  
• Deal with today. All God asks of you and me is to handle and manage today, only today.
• Value each minute. Know how long it will take you to complete each task in your home.
• Keep moving. Remember the principle of momentum: "A body at rest tends to remain at rest, and a body in motion tends to remain in motion."
• Develop a routine. Try doing the same thing at the same time each day.
• Exercise and diet. Studies show that exercise increases metabolism, creates energy, causes you to sleep better and produces pleasure hormones that contribute to positive attitudes.

Heart Response

Before we leave the subject of order in the home, let's take a look at the heart of the home -- which is your heart! What is your attitude toward your home and your housework? Is your heart in tune with God's? Are you desiring what He desires for the management and guidance of your home? Ask God to help you move toward better management -- and don't worry: Slowly but surely counts!

Chapter 14 - A Heart That Watches Over the Home

Proverbs 31:27, "She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness."

To Watch

"To watch" means "to hedge about" as with thorns, much like a mother bird or animal might do to protect her young. The verb expresses the active guarding, protecting, saving, and attending to something precious. This kind of watching involves observation and preservation.

To better understand the significance of the word watch, consider its use in Psalm 5:3 -- My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning I will direct it to You, and I will look up."

"To look up" is the same Hebrew word as watch. The psalmist carefully prays to God in the morning and then becomes a lookout, keeping watch, being on the lookout, expecting his prayer to be answered.

To Work

As we head into this section, let's realize that we're not addressing working outside the home at a job. No, this has to do with work you do inside the house, at home, the work that turns your house into a home.

We're going to be doing our own study into the Scripture, consulting it to learn what God teaches us about work. Of course we'll want to look at some wonderful proverbs!

Proverbs 10:4, "He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich."

Proverbs 12:11, "He who tills his land will be satisfied with bread, but he who follows frivolity is devoid of understanding."

Proverbs 14:23, "In all labor there is profit, but idle chatter leads only to poverty."

Proverbs, 20:13, "Do not love sleep, lest you come to poverty, open your eyes, and you will be satisfied with bread."

Proverbs 31:13, "She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands."

What a blessing you can be to your family as you watch, as you keep lookout over the various functions of the home. And what a great way to be a helper for your husband as you anticipate, perceive, and act on needs (work) in the home. Before your husband even thinks of something, you have taken care of it!

Yes, But How?

How can we place ourselves before God so He can grown in us hearts that effectively watch over our precious homes?

1. Understand that his role as helper and guard is God's plan for you.

A woman after God's own heart - married or not - watches over the ways of her household and refuses to eat the bread of idleness. When we realize that these instructions are from God -- and not from our mother, or husband, or Bible teacher -- we must allow the Truth of God's Word to penetrate into our hearts.

2. Begin watching over your home.

It's time to make some real -- and difficult -- decisions about watching (the positive) and about not eating the bread of idleness (the negative).

3. Eliminate idleness.

Identify the following time robbers in your daily life, and then purpose to buy back the time for watching and working in your precious home.

• Procrastination

• Inadequate personal planning and scheduling

• Interruptions by people without appointments (This includes interruptions by way of the telephone. And please note, your children are not interruptions -- they are your greatest work and the best investment of your time.)

• Failure to delegate

• Poor use of telephone or computer

• Reading junk mail or e-mail

• Lack of concern for good time management

• Unclear priorities
  

Ladies, we must pray for eyes to see the vision God has for our precious home and for hearts to understand how important what happens in our home is to Him. May our goal be that our houses be made into homes that show forth God's desires for the beauty and purpose of those structures.

A Heart That Makes a House a Home

Proverbs 14:1, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands."

In the above verse, the infinitive "to build" means, literally, to make and to set up a house. This verse refers not only to the structure and upkeep of the home, but also to the family itself. You see, a home is not only a place - it's also people! One insightful scholar explains the verse this way:

Although the Hebrew word for "house" and "home" is the same, "home" is the preferred word here. A house is not always a home and this verse does not speak of house construction, masonry, or carpentry but of home building; the knitting together of family and the day-be-day routine of creating a happy and comfortable place for a family to live.

And who is responsible for the quality of life in that place where the family lives? The woman! She sets the mood and maintains the atmosphere inside the home. In fact, this proverb teaches that if the woman is wise, she diligently and purposefully creates that atmosphere. She doesn't just hope it will happen.

Creating the Atmosphere

Creating the atmosphere of a home is very much like using your thermostat to regulate the temperature inside your house. You decide on a ideal temperature for you family and set the dial to a comfortable level.

Proverbs 15:1a, "A soft answer turns away wrath."

James 3:18, "Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

Proverbs 12:25, "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad."

Building a Refuge

At the center of family life, the home ministers to our family far more than we might imagine. Our children as well as our husbands benefit from our building efforts. One counselor reported that "a secure home life tends to reduce frustration and uneasiness in a child's life, and it gives them the ability to cope with pressures more effectively."

Webster's Dictionary defines a refuge as a place of protection, a shelter or a sanctuary where one can be safe from pursuit, danger, or trouble. Even the word "refuge" brings a calmness to heart and soul.

Avoiding the Negatives

It would be wise to take another look at the second part of our verse this week. "...but the foolish [woman] pulls it down with her hands." 

To pull down a home means to break or destroy it, to beat or break it down - to ruin it. How can a woman pull down her own home? How can she be a one-woman demolition machine?  

First, a woman can cause great damage actively by working destruction. What, for instance, does anger out of control do? It throws, it slams, it tears, and it rips. It also breaks things as well as rules.

The second way to ruin a home is passive - by simply failing to work. We can slowly erode the foundation of our home by our laziness, by simply "never getting around to it," by neglect, by forgetting to pay a bill...or two, by successfully putting things off, by not spending enough time at home. Then there's the problem of too much - too much TV, too much reading, too much shopping, too much time with friends, too much time spent on the phone or internet.

Yes, But How?

How does a woman who desire sin her heart to make a house a home carry out the building process? What can we do to be used by God to create the kind of place He has in mind for our families?

Understand that wisdom builds.

The wise woman is aware that she's on assignment from God and knows that building a home is a lifelong endeavor. The teaching of the Bible is clear, and so is the sharp contrast between the wise woman and the foolish woman. Wisdom builds -- and builds and builds -- avoiding any attitude or act that doesn't build. And this kind of building effort is wise whether you're building a home for yourself or for a husband and children.

Decide to begin building.

It's never too late to begin - or begin again - to build your house, to create an enchanted oasis called "home."

Each day, do one thing to build your home.

Look around your home, inside and out. Make a list of the things that need to be added, repaired, set up, etc., so that your area is more of a refuge. Then do just one item on your list each day -- or even one each week.

You may also want to deal with one attitude that, if improved and transformed by God, would enhance the atmosphere of the home.  

A Heart Response...

Search your heart and your home. As you consider the wise woman and the foolish woman, which one is most like you? Where are you placing your focus and investing your energy? Look beneath the cleaning and cooking ... to your heart.

A Heart Overflowing with Motherly Affection

Titus 2:3,4, "[The older women] admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children."

Phileo is the word God chose to convey mother-love here in Titus 2:4. This is an affectionate love, a love that cherishes its object. It is friendship love, a love that enjoys children, a love that likes them! God calls parents to build the family on a foundation of Biblical teaching, instruction, and discipline. The home gains a heart, however, when parents not only love their children but like them as well.

1.  A Heart That Prays

The greatest gift of love you and I can give our children is to pray for them. Beginning each day by praying for your children benefits them in countless ways even as it draws them deeper into your heart. What kind of prayers are you praying for your dear children?

2.  A Heart That Provides

A heart overflowing with motherly affection lovingly and graciously provides the necessities of life for her precious family -- nourishing food, clean clothing, and a safe home. Although we may not get too excited about running our homes on a schedule or cooking another meal or doing another load of laundry, a heart filled with motherly affection does just that. It puts self aside and loves the people in her home by caring for their physical needs.

Many mothers wonder why their children act up, talk back, are grumpy, and require so much discipline. Maybe it's because Mom isn't providing the basics of nutritious, scheduled meals, clean bodies, clean clothes, and adequate sleep and rest.

3.  A Heart That Is Happy

When our children (and our husbands!) can count on us to be happy, home life and family relationships take a leap toward heaven. When the alarm has just gone off in the morning, or you're picking the children up from school, or they're walking in the door after their own activities, they need to know that you will be happy.

Proverbs 15:13a, "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance."

Proverbs 17:22a, "A merry heart does good, like medicine."

3.  A Heart That Gives

The Bible is full of exhortations for Christians to be about the business of giving. As we've seen several times already, that's how our Savior lived. Here are a few principles that can help us be mothers who give, mothers who serve -- and who do so with affection, warmth, and energy.

Give because it is your role.

Mark 10:45, "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

Because of who God is, a woman after His heart is a woman who gives. As Christians we are to give, as wives we are to give, as mothers we are to give, as singles we are to give, as members of a church body we are to give. We give the smile, the cheerful greeting, the hug, the compliment, the encouragement, the praise, the meal, the time, the listening ear, the ride . . . and list goes on and on.

Give generously.

Take heed of these two sowing and reaping passages from the New Testament:

2 Corinthians 9:6, "But this I say: He [She] who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he [she] who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully."

Galatians 6:7, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked, for whatever a man [mother] sows, that he [she] will also reap.

Give expecting nothing in return.

Even as we consider the principle of sowing and reaping, we must remember that mothers are to have no ulterior or selfish motives when it comes to giving. We serve and take care of our children simply because God says to.

5.  A Heart of Fun

Living in your home should be an absolute ball for every family member. Learn to smile and laugh -- a lot!  Don't take yourself too seriously.  

Lord, just for today, help my heart overflow with motherly affection by filling me with your joy. Help me realize that it's okay to laugh and it's okay to have fun.  Amen.

A Heart That Prays Faithfully

Proverbs 31:2, "What, my son? And what, son of my womb? And what, son of my vows?"

This verse reveals a mother's anxious care for her child's good. He is the son of her vows, meaning a son she asked God for in prayer and dedicated to God. "Son of my vows" also suggests that her child was the object of her daily vows and prayers, "a child of many prayers."  

How lovely is this image of a mother who thinks, loves, acts, speaks, and prays with a large and passionate heart! In her godliness she asks God for a child, dedicates that child to God, and then teaches him the ways of the Lord.

But this mother's passion for God and for training her son in His ways doesn't stop with mere verbal instruction to the child. No, she also speaks to God on behalf of the child. The desires of her mother-heart go deeper and higher than basic teaching and training. She is a mother who prays, who expends her greatest efforts to nurture a righteous walk with her God so that she may effectively pray for her child.

As a woman after God's own heart, she is vigilant about her own walk with God, dealing with sin in her own life (we're back to our first priority!) in preparation for entering God's holy presence and interceding for her beloved child.

Psalm 66:18, "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear."

Yes, But How?

How does a woman after God's heart foster a love for and a commitment to pray for her children?

1.  Learn from godly and praying mothers and grandmothers.  

Real life examples will encourage you and model for you the role of prayers.

2.  Ask God for His insights for your children.  

As you read about the remarkable mothers in the Bible and all their children accomplished for God, you can catch a glimpse of how God might work through your children.

A Passion for Godly Training

As important as it is to pray for our children -- for salvation and for Christian spouses -- we must not stop with prayer. We must also model a life dedicated to the Lord and train our children to follow His ways. Many times a woman starts off well -- she gets married, wants a baby, prays for a baby, has a baby, and goes through a ceremony at church where she dedicates the baby to God. But then something happens -- the baby becomes a reason for missing church.

We must realize that attending worship faithfully instills an important habit in our children's lives and something into their hearts that nothing else can give them. Our decision to take our children to church communicates to them the importance of worship and fellowship in a corporate body.

Hebrews 10:25, "...not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching."

And this decision reaps untold dividends. For starters, your children will never know an option for Sunday!

And so...

...The Bible tells us to examine ourselves. You and I need to do that often to, first, live a life that pleases God and, second, fuel our passion for godly training. God's kind of training takes time and dedication, and sometimes the passion needed for the long haul wanes. Ask your own heart, Am I committed to getting my children to church so they can be exposed to truth, no matter what it costs me? It's never too late to shore up any weak areas in hour heart or in your parenting. 

Our Heavenly Father is waiting to hear our prayers and enable us to raise our children to know Him and love Him and serve Him. Let's pray for the passion and wisdom to take the next steps.

A Heart That Values Being a Mother

A Passion for Teaching God's Word

A woman after God's own heart is first and foremost a woman who has in her own heart a deep and abiding passion for God's Word. And her children - not the children at her church, not the women at her church, not her friends, her neighbors, or anyone else - are to receive the firstfruits of this burning personal passion.

You see, God's Word - the divine law - has value for salvation and value for eternity. God uses His Word to draw people to Himself, and of course this would include our children.

Romans 10:17, "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."

2 Timothy 3:15, "and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus."

Isaiah 55:11, "So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."

In light of this saving power of God's Word, we must place His Holy Scripture first on the list of things our children must know.  

A Passion for Teaching God's Wisdom

Closely related to our call to teach God's Word to our children is our call to teach them His wisdom. Wisdom encompasses principles, counsel, traditions, models of praise, guidelines for decision-making, and godly practices based on the Bible -- practical and scriptural wisdom for daily life!

Deuteronomy 6:6-7, "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

As mothers who want to raise children after God's own heart, we make a decision to "go all out for the Gospel" and relate every tiny thing to God. We need to talk about God with our children whether it's the "in" thing or not.

Also, we must be aware that the practical wisdom of God is taught in two ways. The first is what we've been discussing, that we teach by our words, by our talk. But we also teach by our walk - by the way we live our lives. Our walk encompasses all that we do and say and all that we don't do and don't say.  Our children are watching and we are constantly teaching our children something, either positive or negative. 

How's your walk? What are your children seeing about God in you?  What are you teaching your children?

A Heart That Loves - Part 2

What can you and I do to show our husbands affectionate, indulgent, friendship love?  Whisper a prayer for your husband as you consider the following ways that will complete the list of suggestions from the last post.

Prepare for Your Husband Daily. 

Preparing for your husband's homecoming each day shows him that he's a priority and communicates your heart of love.

Prepare the House. Take a few minutes before your husband is due home to pick up. The goal is not perfection, but instead an impression of order and neatness.

Prepare Your Appearance. If company were coming, you would do a little something to freshen up, wouldn't you?  Well, your husband is your Number One human priority and is far more important than company, so he should get the most special treatment of all.

Prepare Your Greeting. You probably know approximately when your husband will get home from work each day, so warm his welcome as you wait and watch for him.

Please your husband. 

If your husband is the king of the castle, you will surely delight in pleasing him. And pleasing him means paying careful attention to his wants, his likes, and his dislikes -- and this takes a little doing.

Protect your time with your husband. 

You make your husband your Number One human priority when you protect your time with him instead of treating him as a built-in babysitter and darting out the door to shop when he gets home.

Physically love your husband. 

A fundamental principle for marriage is "rendering affection" to one's mate.

Positively respond to your husband. 

Your simple but positive response means no power struggle, no hurt feelings, no bitter words, no raised voices -- and a much better start and finish to our day.

Praise your husband. 

A primary "never" in your life is never speak critically or negatively about your husband to anyone. Instead, blessing your husband in public, and in private, is one of the best ways to sow seeds of love for him in your heart.

Pray always. 

We began with prayer, and we end with prayer. A woman after God's own heart is a woman who prays. When does prayer make a difference?  

...Take every opportunity throughout the day to ask God to enable you to be the kind of loving and supportive wife He want you to be!

A Heart That Loves - Part 1

Titus 2:4, "That they [the older women] admonish the young women to love their husbands."

As we consider the most exciting insight about being a wife, we must discover the meaning of the word "love" as it's used in Titus 2:4.  

God loves (agapeo) you and me unconditionally, regardless of our shortcomings, and certainly we wives are to love our husbands with that kind of unconditional love. But when God instructs us to "love" our husbands in this verse, the word is phileo, meaning friendship love -- a love that cherishes, enjoys, and likes our husbands! Each of us is to value our husband and build a friendship with him. We should see our husband as our best friend and want to be with him more than with any other person.

Yes, But How?

How can a wife nurture a heart of love, a heart prepared to support her husband in practical ways "until death us do part"?

1. Decide to make your husband your Number One human relationship. Our relationship with our husband is meant to be more important than the relationships we enjoy with our parents, friends, a good neighbor, a brother or sister, a best friend, and even our children -- and the way we use our time should reflect that ranking.

2. Begin to chose your husband over all other human relationships. Again, this includes your children. We must avoid over-investing in children and under-investing in the marriage.

3.  Ask of your lifestyle, "Am I spoiling my husband rotten?" This is what loving your husband is really all about -- spoiling him rotten.

Here are two ways to "spoil" your husband and some creative suggestions to help you follow through:

Pray for Your Husband Daily.  

James 5:16, "The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." As you invest your time, your heart, and your life in prayer for him, you'll find arguments decreasing and mellowing.  

Create a page for him in your journal, and write his name at the top! List aspects of his life you want to faithfully hold up to God -- his relationship with God, his spiritual growth both at home and in the church, his schedule for each day, and so on.

Plan for Your Husband Daily.  

It's a fact. Nothing just happens -- including a great marriage. Make some plans that will help you show your husband -- and the watching world -- that he is your highest human priority.

One idea is to plan a special dinner that he likes! Make a point of learning all of his "favorites" and then treat him like the king of the castle that he is.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the love that You have placed in my heart for my husband and help me share it with him today. Thank you in advance for the grace to obey your promptings. Amen. 

A Heart That Follows -- Part 2

Giving the Gift of Leadership

Let's review Ephesians 5:22 in another version, "You wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord."

The verse shows us that a wife is responsible for whether or not she submits to her own husband. This means submission is a wife's choice. She decides whether or not to follow her husband. No one can do it for her, and no one can make her do it. Her husband can't make her submit and follow, her church can't make her, her pastor can't make her, and neither can a counselor. She must decide to choose to defer to her husband and follow his leadership.

The "who" of submission for a wife is also clear here -- "submit to your own husbands," not to other people we admire and respect. And this is an important distinction.

Why Do We Hesitate?

The main reason why we wives hesitate to follow our husband's leadership is fear. We are afraid of what will happen if our husbands do things their way instead of our way ... or another way. Clearly, underneath God's call to us to submit lies a much deeper, more fundamental call to live a life of faith in God.  

1 Peter 3:5-6, "For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror."

Faith is the opposite of fear, but how does faith fit with following a husband's leadership? It is by faith that you and I believe God works in our lives directly through our husbands.

It is by faith in our all-knowing God that we trust that He knows our husbands' decisions and the end results of those decisions, and trusting that God redeems, if not guides, those decisions.

And, it is by faith in God that our fear is dispelled and we gain the strength to submit.

Yes, But How?

1. Dedicate your heart to honoring your husband. Change requires a decision, and that's definitely the case with submission.

2. Remember to respect. Develop the basic heart attitude of respect. Ephesians 5:33b, "Let the wife see that she respects her husband."

3. Respond to your husband's words and actions positively. 

4. Ask of each personal word, act, and attitude, "Am I bending or bucking?" Whenever tension wells up in your heart and you're resisting or questioning your husband's direction, ask yourself this question. Your answer will point out the problem.

A Note from the Author

Oh, dear one, don't let this look at God's guidelines for marriage be a cold exercise. We are talking primarily about a heart response! Your husband is your life mate. Whatever he is like, he is God's good and perfect gift to you, part of God's plan for your personal fulfillment and more important, for your spiritual development. Your Christian character becomes evident each and every time you choose from your heart to bend, to yield, to honor, to submit, to follow your husband. It's one way that you, as a woman after God's own heart, honor God.